Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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