she was so not down for the gang bang
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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