Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
