OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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