He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
