Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
