Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
