Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
