his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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