Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
