member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
