Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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