Redeem this text for a blowjob
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
