I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
