11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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