Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
