Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
