I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
