Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
