I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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