is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
