i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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