last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
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