I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
