Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
