Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
