do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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