I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
