We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
