Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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