new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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