Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
