Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
