Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
