if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
