Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i barfeds in our rink
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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