he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
