i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
