Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
