my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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