im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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