Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
