why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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