some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Never underestimate the power of titties
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
