Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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