i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
