dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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