if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
