i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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