I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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